i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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