This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
