based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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