I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
