can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
