You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
