I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
