Say something about gay babies.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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