Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
