Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
