if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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