i just had sex bonerless
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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