a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Randomize
