oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
