I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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