you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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