What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
