I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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