I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize