I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
