dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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