let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
