Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
