So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
