a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
