he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
