Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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