I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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