those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
