I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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