I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
