I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
