i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
do herpes really smell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They took my balls.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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