definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
