So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
