Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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