do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
