sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
