so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
