my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
