I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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