hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
