ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
