Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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