dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
