All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bring me that man meat
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
