mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
