How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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