The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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