I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
