Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
