It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
