hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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