you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
