Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna

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(847): I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna http://tfl.nu/isgx

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(773): View more from Illinois

Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.

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(773): Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes. http://tfl.nu/41f8

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.

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(910): I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth. http://tfl.nu/zk0y

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.

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(215): The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room. http://tfl.nu/3nsa

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(443): View more from Maryland

The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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(443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a

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(850): View more from Florida

Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.

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(850): Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day. http://tfl.nu/xqgd

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(971): View more from Oregon

Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.

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(971): Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them. http://tfl.nu/y8vc

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(315): View more from New York

some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"

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(315): some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!" http://tfl.nu/pcn6

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(678): View more from Georgia

Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.

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(678): Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle. http://tfl.nu/33i0

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

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(508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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(250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4

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(845): View more from New York

She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.

(1-845): View more from New York

she is way to in-touch with her childhood

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(845): She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside. (1-845): she is way to in-touch with her childhood http://tfl.nu/m5xk

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(561): View more from Florida

I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.

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(561): I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition. http://tfl.nu/6rth

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(513): View more from Ohio

seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been

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(513): seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been http://tfl.nu/nato

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.

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(717): Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale. http://tfl.nu/0gl5

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