Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review