TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
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Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.