Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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