I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
