i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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