covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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