dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
