My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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