I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
