You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
