I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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