So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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