TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
