Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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