I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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