party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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