i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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